Stress....what stress?

I know it's been a while since I have last posted...so let me try to get you caught up.

July 16th, 2012 my mom had a heart cath done.  We (my dad and I) have been discussing for sometime that we knew something was right with mom.  We just wasn't all that sure what.  In March 2012 (actually March 11th), my dad and I took mom to the doctor.  At that time she was told she had bronchitis.  She was put on meds and was on her way to feeling better.  She did improve some but not alot.  Then the coughing started back up.  No other symptoms, just coughing.  She finally made an appointment with her primary care doctor and he immediately started a battery of tests.  He thought she was going into congestive heart failure.

More test were ordered, she was sent to a cardiologist and he said....your having a heart cath done Monday.  And that was that.  She went in and come to find out she had three arteries clogged.  Two of them they were able to balloon and the third they had to put a stint in.  The difference was night and day.  When mom came out she looked happier, her skin was brighter...she was just better.  She had to stay in the hospital over night and was able to go home the next day.

Got her home, ran some errands for her and dad...then I finally went home.  Around 7:30/8:00 that evening my hubby comes home for lunch.  He didn't look right.  I was trying to have a conversation with him but I felt like he was holding three at the same time.  I finally asked him to stop and when he looked at me I felt like I was looking into space.  There was no emotion and his eyes were vacant.  I told him we were going to the ER.  He said why and I told him I thought he had heat exhaustion.  After making some calls and after his shower (yep, he wanted to shower before we went) we were out the door. 

Side note:  Did I mention I was also in the process of throwing my parents a surprise anniversary party?  Yep, started planning around March however now the party is less than a month away and now mom has had a heart cath and I have hubby in the ER.  Ugh...

As expected...Paul had heat exhaustion AND dehydration (not expected).  They hooked him up to an IV, ran some tested and then we were able to go.  The rest of that week for hubby was crazy.  Between trying to get better and the drama that unfolded for his job...you would have thought the end of the world was near.

So now I'm dealing with trying to get hubby better, his work drama, making sure mom is doing okay and finishing up with the party.  But wait, it gets better (keep following, I promise it will tie together)...I'm not sure where you all are however in Oklahoma we haven't been getting a lot of rain.  Lack of rain causes droughts...droughts cause fires.  So, on top of everything else, fires break out here in Oklahoma and one of the fires isnt' all that far from my sisters house.  A week before our parents 40th Surprise Anniversary Party....oh joy.

Finally the weekend of mom and dad's party.  It was awesome.  I was so happy and proud of my parents.  With everthing that has happened over the past few years they deserved to be celebrated.

Happy 40th Mom and Dad!!!!

I couldn't have been more proud or happie with the way my parents party turned out.  With all the work that myself, my sister and Sister Laureene (friend of the family) put in it...including up to the last minute it was wonderful.

Now for the truth...I couldn't have been more happy that everything was finally over.  By the end of my parents party, mom haveing the heart cath, my hubby ending up in the er and his work drama...I was wore out.  I use to be able to deal with this type of stress and not be bothered by it.  Now, I get wiped out...sick...hurt, you name it and more than likely I deal with it.  Ugh, it's so frustrateing.  After mom and dads party I went home and slept for a couple of hours.  Went to church the next day, came home and slept a couple of more.

Oh...did I mention the day before mom and dad's party I got a letter from my endocrinologist informing his patients that he got a job at the Mayo Clinic in Minnesota?  Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for him but at the same time I'm so sad.  Loved my doctor...for the first time since all this started I felt like I finally had someone who understood me and what I was saying.  Now I get to find someone new.  Oh Joy (as my dad would say).

Three Years Cancer Free:

It was towards the end of September 2009.  Paul and I were heading back to the Stillwater Cancer Care Center to get my six month test results.  We were about to find out if I was cancer free or not.

Thankfully football was in full force and I was able to stay busy enough to where I was thinking about it to much.  Wait, that's a lie...no matter how busy one is you always think about.  Awake, asleep, it doesn't matter.  Whether or not you are cancer free will always be on your mind.

Paul and I had talked several times what we would do if the cancer was still there.  The scan I had after treatment still showed cancer.  My oncologist at the time said that was normal and that more than likely the residual cancer that is still there would be gone by the time I did the six month scan.

Have I ever mentioned that I'm not all that patient of a person and that I hate waiting?  One thing I have totally learned from this whole cancer thing is that you hurry and wait.  Not matter what it is.  Blood work, CT Scans, Ultra Sounds, Whole Body Scans...all you do is wait and I'm not that good at it.  Worry comes with waiting and all I did is worry.  Football games help distract me but I still went crazy.

For some reason I don't remember the exact day I got my results.  I remember the dates of both surgeries and treatment but I don't remember the date I got my scan results.  One would think I would but, oh well.

It's time for my appointment and I was as nervous as could be.  We got there, checked in, paid my co-pay and we waited.  Finally it was my turn.  I went back into the examining room, my nurse checked my blood pressure, temp, went over my medication list and said that the doctor will be in.  So we waited some more.  My doctor came in.

Now I don't remember what all he said.  Truthfully I don't have a clue.  The only words I remember is....there was no cancer found.  After he said that I was cancer free he did go on to explain that our goal was to get me to being scanned once every five years.  So far I have been scanned every year.

Earlier this year I decided to celebrate being cancer free early.  As you know back in December we had a scare that the cancer was back.  So in April I got a tatoo stating that I'm a cancer survivor.  Maybe I should have waited, but I figure....I have a scar I don't want, had a scare that the cancer returned, so I'm getting some ink.  Oh, and since I'm not a 100% percent sure what day I was told I'm cancer free.....I'm celebrating all month long.

Don't forget that September is Thyroid Cancer Awareness Month.  Don't forget to check your neck!

Random Ramblings:

There are times that you feel like nothing but a guinea pig.  All you do is get stuck, probed, tested....it's insane.  At times I feel like doctors don't care how much it costs you...they just want to run tests.  Yes, I know there are reasons for the tests to be done but come on, sometimes enough is enough.  Yes, it totally stinks to have cancer.  Actually it sucks.  When you are first diagnosed you go through so many scans, tests, blood work, ect.  I quickly got over my fear of needles.  At times it feels like getting to that five year mark will never come.  Each time I think I get to start counting the years in between scans something happens that I have to be scanned.

I understood the scan after treatment, the six month scan and the year scan.  I even understood the next one year scan.  Cancer cells were found in the lymph nodes, so we had to continue to be aggressive.  After that scan came back clean I was all excited.  Finally get to start counting the years.  Wrong, my blood work came back showing the cancer was trying to come back which means another scan.  Ugh, so tired of this.  There comes a time you just feel like throwing up your hands and saying your done.  Done done done.  But you can't.  You have to keep fighting and deal with cards your delt. 

One of the biggest lessons I have learned through all of this is cancer doesn't care what social class your in, your age, sex, race, ect.  Cancer can attack anyone. 

When all this started, I got so tired of hearing...if  you are to get cancer thyroid cancer is the best one to have.  It is so easy to manage and get rid of.  All I could think, you aren't the one going through it.  Your not the one who is currently dealing with this.  So please stop saying it!  Of course, I never said a word and just sat there listening.

Not long after I had the first surgery and was diagnosed with cancer, something crazy happened to me.  I was at the December Graduation Reception and was talking to a student.  I honestly don't remember how the conversation started but we got to talking about me having thyroid cancer and I was about to have surgery number two.  I told her that my oncologist wasn't going to let me have treatment until I had a right neck dissection.  She then told me her mom was going through the samething.  Her mom was about to have her thyroid removed.  She asked how I discovered I had cancer and then introduced me to her mom.  I got to share my story and answer some questions for her.

I got back to work from haveing surgery number two, left again for treatment, returned again then a few weeks later found out a student was diagnosed with cancer...then a few months later had another student diagnosed (niether on had the type of cancer I had).  Considering I just went through it I was also able to help them.  If nothing else I could be there to listen to them when they needed to talk, scream, vent...whatever they needed. 

Even now through my blog and talking about it on twitter I have been able to help people.  It's amazing how God has been able to use to me to help other people.  Even though for a while I was mad and angry for getting cancer and to some degree blamed God, I have been able to turn it into a testimony.  I have to admit, my parents and friends kept telling me that would happen. 

The biggest problem I had was dealing with the scar.  Ugh, I hatde the scar.  To me it's so noticeable (well at the time).  Of course I was told it wasn't, but I always thought you had to be blind not to see it.  The looks...oh my the looks I would get after the surgeries and treatment.  Strangers would always ask what happened.  There was one guy who worked at a gas station asked me if the person who caused it was behind bars and if I left the jerk.  There was another time in Feburary 2009 about a week or so before treatment I was at a hotel (hubbies sisters and a couple of friends came to Oklahoma) and a friend of my hubbies was causeing a scene and some other people also staying at the hotel called security.  While Paul was talking to one cop another one asked me what happened.  Nothing like 20 questions caused by thyroid cancer.  It also seemed like, just when I was finally comfortable about the scar, I would be asked what happened.  My poor husband would get so frustrated with me.  He kept telling me it's not noticable, but everytime I looked in a mirror all I saw was the horrible scar.

It's just recently I haven't really noticed the scar and I can actually joke about it.  I was told about a year or so ago that I should view it as a victory scar.  I now understand what was being said.  See, all I could see was an ugly scar.  Now it's a beautiful scar...a battle that I won, with God's help.

Is the Cancer back????

Started working at my new job in January 2012.  About a week or so later I went to Mercy to get my scan results.  That was the longest week.  I was so scared...all I could think was what if the cancer is back.  I of course went back to my Aunt Sharon.  It came back with her and she passed.  I didn't want to go through all that again.  No matter what I did, I couldn't turn my mind off.  All I could do was think; what if it did come back, what if I had to have surgery again, what if I had to go through treatment again...what if, what if.  Playing the what if game does get annoying...

Time for the appointment.  Paul and I decided afterwards we would go eat at our favorite Mexican resturant in Edmond and we were going to hook up with my best friend Pam.  Getting with Pam is always fun.  My name gets called...Paul and I head back and wait for the doctor to come in.  Ugh, time was moving so slow.

The doctor finally came in.

Paul and I were sitting there listening to the doctor as he started to go over the results.  The doctor said my scan is clean...there is no sign of cancer.  Praise the Lord!!!! No cancer!!!  The he said that there must have been a mix up in the lab.  My tumor marker back in December was at 4.7, meaning that the cancer was coming back.  In January when they did it again it was a .7...the doctor said that just doesn't happen.  In my opinion...yes it does.  It's the power of prayer.  It was a miracle.  I know that God healed me.

The doctor wanted to go a head and do a CT Scan and an Ultra Sound just to make sure everything really is gone. 

The CT Scan was interesting.  I'm allergic to the iodine contrast they use and of course I ended up with side effects.  But, it came back clean and that is all that matters.  I'm suppose to do the Ultra Sound in November.

Vacation+Fiesta Bowl+Low-Iodine Diet=Ugh

Time to head to AZ for the Fiesta Bowl.  So excited!!!  Oklahoma State finally won our first Big 12 Championship and we are headed to our first BCS game and I get to go! Coming home wont be fun, but hey...sometimes you have to pay a price.

Paul and I got to AZ.  It is beautiful!!!  We met up with my unlce and I was kidding with him that it took a football game to finally visit.  While we were there the weather was perfect and we never had any problems with allergies.  We had a great time.  We stayed in Scottsdale which seemed to be the hub for everything.  Shopping, eating, you name it...they had it.  We ate a lot of Mexican food and did try to see some sites.  My uncle also drove us around and showed us where the Suns and the Diamondbacks play.  He also showed us how to get from the hotel to the Arizona Cardinals stadium.  We didn't have to fight traffic!! 

On the day of the game hubby and I went looking for health food stores.  I needed to get stocked up for the trip home because I wouldn't be able to stop and eat being on the low-iodine diet.  We finally found a big health food store and I told Paul that I wished we had a store like that in Stillwater.  We dropped off the food (fruit, nuts, rice cakes, Sierra Mist, water, ect..), got dressed and headed to the game. 

We got to the stadium, looked around and then went to find our seats and guess who I saw....my new boss.  He was sitting a few rows behind Paul and I.  So, I went to say hi and decided to tell him about the cancer and that there is a chance it was back.  I apologized for not saying anything about it during the interview but I wasn't sure if it was proper or not to bring it up at that time.  He told me he already knew and it wasn't a problem.  Health and family come first.  What a relief.  I was so scared it would end up being a problem.  I mentioned when the dates were and that most everything would be over before I started the job.  I would need time off to get my results but that was all.

Side note:  what a great game.  Oklahoma State won it's first BCS Championship....yes I am very proud of my Alma Mater!

Sometimes the truth hurts....

It was late when we got back to the hotel and we knew it was going to be hard to get to sleep.  We had to because we planned to get up early for that long drive ahead of us, but we were still too excited from the win.  Considering I had to start the diet on the way home we made the decision to drive straight through.  The only stops would be for gas and to use the restroom.  Paul decided to be on the diet with me that way he wouldn't be eating "regular food" in front of me.  He is so awesome. 

The time came to start making the trips back and forth to OKC.  Blood work, Thyrogen injections, tracer dose then the scan.  I think I made four trips back and forth in one week.  I got to talking to the tech guy that gave me the injections and I told him I was excited Mercy had the Thyrogen.  He told me that they had the largest Thyroid Cancer popultion in state of Oklahoma.  I wish I knew that when all this started.  He went on to say they did there best to always have it in stock and they already had a protocol in place for situations where medications were in shortage.  After hearing that, I was so thankful I was turned over to my new doctor.

I loved doing the scan at Mercy it was so much better than doing it at Stillwater Medical Center.  Not that the bed you lay on for a scan is comfortable but at Mercy I wasn't strapped in like at Stillwater Medical Center.  It was so much more comfortable and they played music.  They didn't at SMC.  The overall expericence at Mercy compared to SMC was just better.  So now that the scan was done we sit and wait for the results and start my new job.

Starting the job helped me get my mind off the possibilty that the cancer had returned.  Going home was hard....I would sit and think.  I just couldn't imagine that the cancer had returned.  Considering everything I went through finding out I had cancer I started making plans in case I had to have surgery or go through treatment again.  I wouldn't be able to stay at the apartment if treatment was the choice.  We now live in a one bedroom apartment and there would be no way for Paul to stay away from me.  He also wouldn't be able to stay anywhere because it was basketball and wrestling season and he would have to work.  I thought that since I'm now under the care of Mercy I felt I would be able to be in the hospital during treatment...if need be.  I quickly learned to expect the worse and hope for the best.

Well, time to make another trip to the city to get the results...

Thyrogen, Thyrogen...where art thou?

After my one year scan, we scheduled another scan for the following year during the summer.  During the summer of 2011 we were planning another trip to Maine to see Paul's family so I had called the Stillwater Cancer Care Center to see when my scan was going to be.  They were wanting to do it while I was on vacation, I didn't want to be on the low-iodine while in Maine.  Well, come to find out they were out of the Thyrogen and they weren't sure when more would be delivered...so my appointment was going to be moved to the early part fall.  Perfect...I will be back from vacation by then.  But there was a down side...there was going to be a chance that I will be on the low-iodine diet during football.  UGH, terrible...on that diet during football...looks like I have no choice.  Gotta do what you gotta do...right?

Paul and I went on vacation and of course had a great time.  Saw some new things that we missed on the year before and we spent more time in Boston.  I have really fallen in love with that city.  I don't want to live there but I do love visiting. 

When we got home (easier than last year) I recieved a call from the Stillwater Cancer Care Center...they still don't have any Thyrogen.  You have got to be kidding me.  My nurse said that it had something to do with it being on back order.  My poor mom kept trying to blame the Cancer Care Center, but they weren't at fault.  It was the manufacture company.  My nurse wasn't sure what all was going on and neither did the customer rep, so I decided to google Thyrogen and the company that makes it.  Apparently the FDA shut down delivery because the medicine was contaminated and the manufacturer had to clean things up before more could be made and delivered.  What type of contamination, where, ect., the company did not have to disclose that information according to the FDA website.  Just one more thing I didn't understand about all this cancer stuff.  So, we continue to wait.

I finally got a call in October to come in and talk to my doctor.  It was yet another doctor...I really don't think I ever saw my original Oncologist after the first year.  The Cancer Care Center was changing protocol and those of us who are/were considered stable patients were going to be released and refered to another doctor.  They had no idea when more Thyrogen would be delivered and if a patient comes in with a diagnosis of Thyroide Cancer they would have top priority on the medicine.  I totally understood that.  I then got refered to an Endocrinologist within the Mercy Health Care System.

My appointment was scheduled for December.  WhooHooo I didn't have to go through football on the low-iodine diet.  The new doctor did some blood work and scheduled an ultra-sound of my neck.  I went back in around the middle to end of December to get the results.  That is when my heart sank.  My blood work showed that the cancer was coming back.  My tumor level was higher than the doctor liked.  Now, the problem was the doctor didn't know if that was normal for me, or to high...nothing.  He asked if I knew what I had been showing and of course I didn't.  I asked what my paperwork said and he said according to my file the Cancer Care Center never did blood work.  Well I knew that wasn't true.  I have had blood drawn a number of times....why didn't they get my whole file?  Yet another question.  Seems like I have more questions than answers.

Well, this wasn't the news I wanted to hear right before Christmas.  So, I was going to have to go through the scan....again  I was so scared I would have to go off the Synthroid.  The doctor said not to worry about that just yet.  He was going to have his nurse call and see if Mercy had the Thyrogen before we went any further and that I would get a call with an answer and we get things scheduled at that time.

Now, while all this was going on I had recieved a call for a job interview.  Yep, I was looking for a new job.  I had decided  not to say anything to my potential new boss until I had dates confirmed and wanted to wait until I knew if I had the job or not.  The "C" word is such a tricky thing.  You never really know when to mention it when it comes to interviews and possible new jobs.  So I decided to wait until I heard from my new nurse.  I went to my interview and a couple of days later I accepted the position. 

Good news...Mercy has Thyrogen!!!  Yes, I can stay on the Synthroid.  Bad news...my new doctor wanted me on the low-iodine diet after Christmas and I have a new job.  Wait, how am I going to go to the Fiesta Bowl AND be on the diet.  That is not going to work.  I have never been to Arizona and this is a BCS bowl.  I want to be able to have a good time.  I told Paul I didn't know what to do.  We talked back and forth on what to do...we had the tickets, hotel booked and paid...Ugh.  So I asked my dad if he wanted to go in my place and he said no.  I also had to decide how I was going to tell my new boss about the Thyroid Cancer and that there was a chance it had come back.  Oh boy...what do I do.

I ended up calling  the nurse back and asked...if I promise to start the diet on my way home from the game can we still do the scan with the dates she gave me.  The dates I had would be perfect.  I would have everything over but getting the results before I started my new job.  She called back and the doctor said if I promised to start the diet on the way home we could leave the dates alone and not change anything.  Yes, I was able to wait.  Nice, I can be done with the scan before I start my new job and I can start the diet on my way back from AZ.  Praise the Lord!!!!

Tests results, Synthroid adjustments, Thyrogen....Oh the fun

Now that I have gone on my little rant, I guess I better get back to my story.

After the first two surgeries I was on .150 of the Synthroid. Then it was .175 and finally .200. In the beginning I felt like I was being bounced all over the place. One dose to another....One day I would feel great and within a couple of days I would feel horrible. Once I was on the .200 dose, I was doing much better. The biggest issue I had was sweating. Oh my, I would sweat at the drop of a hat. Cleaning, walking, it didn't matter what I was doing I would sweat. At least my hair finally stopped falling out.

About a week or so after the first Whole Body Scan, I got the results back.  It still showed some cancer still in the bed of the thyroid.  The doctor said that was normal and in six months I will go through the scan again and he feels that it will all be gone.

The six month scan was so much better than when I went off my Synthroid for treatment and the first scan.  They finally have this awesome drug called Thyrogen (http://www.thyrogen.com/home/thy_home.asp).  Now I get to stay on my medication and still have the scan.  Praise the Lord!!!  I will now have two Thryrogen injections a couple of days before the scan and that will push my TSH levels up to where they need to be in order to have the whole body scan.  It has made things so much better...however I did end up with a reaction to the medicine. Who knew Thyrogen had side effects, then I googled it...So my nurse and I came to the conclusion that I had an allergic reaction and next time I would have to take some meds that would off set the side effects.

I went in for the six month scan and the results came back clean.  In September 2009 I was declared cancer free.  Those were/are the most awesome words I could have ever heard.  The doctor said once the one year scan came back clean I could start counting the years in between scans.  Eventually I would only have to be scanned once every five years.  Yes!!!  I get to start counting the years.

In the summer of 2010, Paul and I went on vacation to see his dad and Aunt in Maine.  When we got back I would be on the low-iodine diet for my one year scan.  Getting to Maine was so frustrating...Our flight leaving Tulsa was delayed, we were delayed getting out of Chicago Ohare...then we finally got to our destination.  Had a great time.  It was my first time up in that part of the country and I saw some amazing things.  However, getting home took forever...We got to the airport and was informed that our flight was cancelled.  Thanks United for the heads up.  Being delayed wouldn't have been so bad if I had enough Synthroid.  Everyone kept telling me I would be fine.  I had been on the Synthroid for about two years and everyone said that was long enough and I wouldn't have any problems.  They were wrong.  So very wrong.

Trying to get home was a journey.  We got back to the airport and once again our flight was delayed (don't fly in and out of Ohare).  I was okay at the beginning of trip, but by the time we got to Chicago Ohare...I was a mess.  I was tired, weepy and just wanted home.  Paul kept saying, don't cry....don't cry.  I did my best...I was just so tired and not feeling all that great.  I was done with traveling, being at airports...I just wanted home in my bed.  We didn't get to Tulsa until about 7:00/7:30 pm that evening and didn't get to Stillwater until around 9:00 pm and then finally took my Synthroid.  Never go without your Synthroid unless you have to especially when traveling...that was terrible.  I now take my pill bottle no matter where I go.  Even if it is an over night trip.  You never know what could happen.  I would say it took a couple of days to get back to "normal", whatever that is.

We finally got back home and it was time to go back on the low-iodine diet for my one year scan.  But this time there was a change.  I already knew I would be able to take the Thyrogen shots but this time around I also had to be on a clear liquid diet and drink that stuff that cleans you out the day before. Went in to have the scan done, got the results and I was still cancer free.  WhooHoo!!!  However, the doctor (who wasn't my original oncologist) said we will we redo the scan in a year once again.  WAIT, what?  In a year....Why?  The doctor said that considering cancer cells were found in the lympth nodes, we needed to do it again in a year.  I said okay (even though I wanted to wait two years), I have been aggressive this far, what's another year.

Oh, the joy of trying to get the next scan done.  It deserves it's own post...